A guy once said to me, "Damn parents get in the way of educating these kids." Those of you who work with me can probably easily guess the speaker. While his comment was mostly said in jest, there's some truth to it. Twenty years ago, when I was first teaching kindergarten, I would have argued against the comment. My reply would have been a dropped jaw; and I would have defended parents and how necessary they are to a child's success. I'm older and a bit wiser now and realize nuance is needed when describing the parent/school relationship. Parents certainly are an important component to a child's education, but on some occasions the parent's actions make developing a positive home/school relationship a challenge.
Below is a short list of nutty things I have seen parents do or say. I include this list so those not involved in education can get an idea of some of the things not related to actually educating kids that schools have to handle.
1. Bang a u-turn in the middle of a school driveway to butt ahead in the dismissal line...in front of 50 sane parents patiently waiting their turn. Then while refusing to get back in their place in line say to a school administrator, "I'm going to hit you" (with her giant SUV).
2. Inform the school, "Johnny won't be coming to kindergarten there. We let him choose his school and he picked the other one." Johnny is 5 years old for crying out loud!
3. Arrive at school to pick up a student without the parent pick-up placard. Then refuse to show ID to office staff (the simple alternative when you don't have the placard), and tell school staff in front of the student, while pulling away from school "I'm not going in and showing ID, you can just keep him."
4. Shove a grandmom, with a walker, out of the way in order to get a seat at the winter concert.
I'm fortunate that the parents at my school are overwhelmingly supportive of our efforts and not, as a group, senseless or impractical. I'm continually amazed at their good spirits and generosity. However, it only takes a few loons and interactions like the ones above to make educators start to question why they remain in education. How can a teacher be expected to create a home/school partnership beneficial to the student when the "home" just doesn't understand the role of a parent?
Parents - here's what you can do to help:
1. Be rational. Ask for explanations when something seems stupid to you. Don't assume that the school or the teacher is simply out to make your day more miserable.
2. Read the information sent home or emailed out by your child's school. The school doesn't spend hours putting together communications about irrelevant stuff. Assume that if it's important enough for the school to compose and distribute, it is important enough for you to review.
3. Follow school procedures. Again, don't assume that the school or the teacher is simply out to make your day more miserable by asking you to do something. School procedures and rules are almost uniformly in place to ensure the safety of the students, which includes your own child.
4. Be polite. There's an idiom about catching more flies with honey than with vinegar...not that anyone really wants flies, but you get the idea. Be nice, treat school staff with respect and kindness and respect will come back to you.
Teachers and school employees, here's what we can do:
1. Speak in regular English, not education jargon. Parents get intimidated when we start throwing around terms like NOREP, NCLB, IEP, brain-based instruction, etc. Think about being at the doctor's office when the doctor is explaining something to you. You want the doc to use real words, not medical mumbo-jumbo.
2. Assume that every parent wants the best for his/her child. Don't assume that a parents is disinterested because he/she was a no-show for a conference or missed their child's presentation. There are plenty of valid reasons that cause plans to change, and some families don't have a support system in place necessary to mitigate the negative impacts of life on their child. Remember to extend a helping hand to families who struggle with the parent/school relationship. Explain things, provide reminders, demonstrate grace, and keep the best interest of the student in mind at all times.
3. Invite parents to be a part of the classroom and the school's activities. Not just author's teas, plays and concerts, but the everyday stuff. Parents who participate in their child's school are showing their kids the value they place on education, and it's easier to have a relationship with a parent who you see or talk with regularly.
4. Be polite. (see #4 above) Be nice, treat parents with respect and kindness and respect will come back to you.
Basically, as long as schools are going to be educating kids...the parents are part of the package. A valuable part of the package. Let's treat them as such, and always keep the best interest of the kids in our minds...no matter how loony the action of an individual parent.
